Fairfax ditches the subs … and the experience, and the wisdom, and the facts and the quality

In fail, media, oxygen thieves on October 18, 2014 at 4:22 pm

I’ve gotta say my mind is somewhat blown about Fairfax ditching subeditors and photographers from their regional papers. Leaving aside the fact that professional news photographers are the heart of a newspaper, ffs … let’s just talk about the consequences of eliminating subs from the process.

Look, journos care about three things, getting the news quickly (preferably first), writing it up so it makes basic sense, and making the deadline. Journos, in general, don’t give a good goddamn about grammar or spelling. We care about making a snappy intro, getting it all the right order, making the point, and moving it down the chain.

Sometimes, because we have to do it quickly, we might type 2 instead of 3, or him instead of her, or god knows, then instead of than. Especially if we’re filing from a poxy mobile device.

Subs have saved my arse than I care to remember. Literally, saved my arse. Spelling, tenses, bloody apostrophes, and yes, FACTS. They check facts. Who knew? They don’t just take the journo’s word for it, though we usually wish they would. THEY CHECK SHIT TO MAKE SURE IT’S RIGHT.

But that’s not the only consequence of sacking all the subs. Subs are usually the older, more experienced, relatively wise heads in the newsroom. Lose the subs and the collective age of a newsroom drops about 20-30 years. Not to mention the IQ.

This is a STUPID decision for any company that cares about the quality of its product. It’s a great decision if you want to save money, of course and that’s basically all that matters today if you climb any higher up a news publisher’s ladder than editor.

Dumb, stupid, fucked-up decision.

Please fellas, your sausages are not my breakfast cup of tea

In fail on October 5, 2014 at 4:53 pm


I have no objection to the Lycra Mafia taking over the streets of my bayside suburb.

(That’s a lie. I have many, many objections to them, but let’s assume for the moment that I don’t mind their presence.)

I find their clothing ridiculous, their on-road behaviour arrogant, and their obsession laughable. But I’m happy to let all that slide, to let bygones be bygones, to let pedalling fools cycle on.

But there is one thing I will not cop.

I will not tolerate being visually assaulted over my breakfast, chaps. I won’t.

When I’m at my favourite Sunday morning caff, sitting down to a plate of sausages and eggs, I don’t want to see your sausages and eggs. Do you get me? Do you ken where I’m coming from, fellas?

You’re wearing lycra. It outlines your genitalia. Hugs them, even. Makes them standout like … well, like balls on a dog, frankly. And you sit there with your legs akimbo, slurping on your hazelnut soy milk low-fat latte and picking at your spinach and ricotta muffin, with your todger pointing at me, or worse, standing tall while I gag on my mushrooms.

Have some courtesy, for fuck sake. Stop for a coffee, by all means. But FFS pull on a pair of tracky daks or a pair of NORMAL shorts over the top of your cods-cuddlers, because, damn it, I have a right to eat my breakfast without being subjected to a full frontal penile onslaught.

And ladies, you’re not innocent in all this. You could be a bit more discreet with your lycra-clad cameltoes, to be honest. I’m not averse to a lady bit, you know that, but not lady bits I don’t know, and not over breakfast in a public place.

I don’t think I’m asking too much, do you?

Ta very much

Will it be Scotland the Brave or Scotland the We’ll Stick With What We Know Thanks?

In Uncategorized on September 18, 2014 at 4:16 pm


It’s notoriously hard to get a Yes vote up in a general referendum when voting Yes means a huge change … look at what happened when we went to the polls to vote on a republic … so odds on Scotland will vote for the status quo and continue life as a minion of the Queen.

I don’t really care either way, speaking as someone with something like 1/8th or 1/16th of Scottish blood in my veins and dual citizenship (UK and Australia), but it is fascinating to watch.

I’ve been particularly amused by the flock of English heading north to talk their Scottish brethren into continuing to drink the Koolaid.

“THERE’S NO GOING BACK!! THIS IS FOREVER!! THIS IS A PAINFUL DIVORCE WITH NO TRIAL SEPARATION!!” old David Cameron and silly Gordon Brown have been spouting.

Please. You’d be better off talking about giving Scots, and the Welsh and the Northern Irish for that matter, a more democratic representation in the UK Houses of Parliament, and figuring out to continue to give Scottish shipbuilders dependent on Royal Navy contracts a pathway to employment, than playing the fear game.

Tony Abbott’s had his say. Because nothing says rational argument like using words like “friends of justice, friends of freedom” and implying that anyone who supports Scottish independence is not someone one would like to associate with. What an eternal fuckwit he is.

So good luck to you Scotland … vote with your hearts and heads. I wish you well whichever way you tilt — I’ll still come visit and travel your beautiful country.

I’m tipping you’ll vote no, because FEAR!! But if you vote yes, I will be tickled to watch the grief and horror from the English who once again will be shown that actually sometimes it takes a bit of work and attention to remain a BFF.


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