Archive for the ‘lesbian’ Category

Goodbye DOMA: Cognitive dissonance and the divergences of life

In about me, gay rights, lesbian on June 29, 2013 at 2:38 pm

I have to confess that the US Supreme Court ruling on the unconstitutionality of Section 3 of the Defence of Marriage Act — quite possibly the most important gay rights decision in decades — more or less passed me by this week.

It’s not that I didn’t hear about it, or wasn’t aware of its importance, it’s just that we had a bit going on here in Australia and my brain was at capacity. Dumping a sitting Prime Minister will do that to me.

So it wasn’t until this afternoon when I was catching up on this week’s episodes of The Rachel Maddow Show, that it hit me. Actually, it didn’t so much hit me as poleaxe me. Baseball bat between the eyes. I have whiplash.

Because, you see, for 16 years — from 1996 (the year DOMA came in) to 2012 — I was in a relationship with an American woman. All I dreamed about for the vast majority of that time was that the US would see the light, allow me to marry my girl and thereby have the immigration status of every other non-US citizen who marries a citizen. A green card. A way of living on the same continent as the woman I loved.

I tried everything to get work in the US, the only other pathway to an eventual green card. Over 400 resumes sent. A three-day trip to St Petersburg, Florida, where I came damn close to getting a job with the St Pete Times, only to have the managing editor decide that the immigration mishigas was all too much. Another close call in Buffalo, New York, after a 12-hour drive from Wisconsin, only to have the same result, for the same reason.

Early in the piece I was offered a job in Bumfuck, Iowa, sight unseen, by an editor who offered me $16,000 a year as a salary. Self-respect made me turn that down, but I regretted doing so for a dozen years or more.

It occurred to me today, with a rush, that if (completely unrelated) circumstances had been different and we had not split up, I would be heading for the US right now to get married.

Now, it so happens that I’ve never been happier than I am at this moment — for a variety of reasons — so my whiplash is severe. For 16 years my focus was ‘gotta get to the States, gotta get to the States’. The irony of the fact that as I stopped wanting to ‘get to the States’ the means for doing so has become available has not escaped me.

The divergence of the paths our lives take are astonishing and astounding to me. Things, apparently, happen as they are meant to happen. At the times they are meant to happen.

Your Daily Maddow

In funny, lesbian, media, politics, television, video on November 11, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Maddow says it best as usual

In lesbian, media, politics, video on November 9, 2012 at 10:38 am

A Long Time Coming is finally here

In about me, books, lesbian on July 12, 2012 at 11:44 pm

My third novel, A Long Time Coming, has been released by publisher Regal Crest, and is now available from your online bookseller.

It is available both in hard copy and e-book form from Bella Books.

It is available in hard copy and Kindle from Amazon, which is where I would recommend you get it from.

Hard copy is USD$14.95 and the Kindle is $9.99.

Go for it. Feel free to write a review for Amazon.

If anyone would like a signed copy, I have a limited number available. Drop me a line and we’ll talk postage, etc.

By the way, the version of ALTC available on this website is the very, VERY rough first draft and will, in fact, be removed shortly. The printed version is much better and differently constructed.

Oh, Mr Obama

In gay rights, lesbian, politics on May 10, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Dear Mr President,

You’ve been such a weird mix, haven’t you? I still can’t work out if you’re far less liberal than we all thought you would be, or if you are just the canniest operator on the planet.

Softly, softly seems to be your thing. And it’s worked.

You’ve finally said you think same-sex couples should be allowed to marry. Bravo. It took you till re-election day to evolve … I don’t want to be cynical about it. I really don’t.

But I am. Because it’s also the year the polls show more Americans support gay marriage than oppose it. So you felt it was a little bit safer to come out, didn’t you?

That’s okay, Prez. We all know about wanting to come out in safety. Been there, done that, dude.

I can’t let my cynicism win this one, though. Because all I have to do is look over to the other side of the presidential campaign and assess the alternative.

Mittens will do things to gays and lesbians that will drive us back under our rocks. He’ll do it to women, the sick, the poor, the minorities and the unemployed, as well, but for now let’s just concentrate on the queers, shall we.

He’s flip-flopped on every issue on the platform, more times than I’ve had Mint Slices in the last 24 hours, and trust me, that’s a bucketload of flip-flops. So who really knows where Romney will end up on this subject come November. But one thing is for certain … his money men are hard-right homophobic arseholes. You do the math.

So, rock on, President Obama, you slow-moving, evolving smooth-tongued devil, you. You keep on sneaking up on that liberal agenda and maybe our atheist, living-in-sin, would-be-thought-a-lesbian-if-it-weren’t-for-the-beard Prime Minister will shift a little to the left as well.

Also, Mr Prez, just so you know … your wife is hawt. Just sayin’.

A Long Time Coming

In books, lesbian on May 10, 2012 at 3:56 am

My third novel, A Long Time Coming, has completed the editing process and is set for publication on July 10 this year.

It is published by Regal Crest Enterprises, can be bought at Bella Books and Amazon, and I believe there will be an e-book edition as well.

I don’t know cover price or ISBN at this stage, but as soon as I know, so will you.

Spread the word!

two books in a day

In books, lesbian on May 10, 2012 at 3:15 am

Apparently this is going to be a reading kind of a holiday. At least this week of it.

I started reading this one weeks ago at the gym, but as I haven’t worked out in about three weeks, I completely forgot I had it on the boil.

I’m sure everyone knows of this YA series by now, but I hadn’t read any of them until I saw the film. Good film. Not as good as the book but still a pretty decent translation of a book that’s character-driven. I like Marsden’s characterisations, particularly of Lee, but that’s because I very much relate to young Lee’s issues at the moment, so I am by no means an objective observer on that score … lol.

A word to the prospective reader. I bought the Kindle edition, and it is rife with sloppy typesetting and grammatical errors. Not the author’s fault, I’m sure, but more a case of bad translation into whatever format the e-book is created in.

Irritating, and for a professional copy editor like me, bloody distracting.

But, cheap. So there you go.

She Slipped and Fell by Shonda is a lesbian romance, but with a bit more than the average depth, I think.

Two high school friends literally fall into each other’s arms in college, struggle with their sexual identities, separate, lead different lives one touched by tragedy, then rediscover each other as adults. Sorry, ruined the ending there, but it’s worth the read for the nuances.

The book is a quick read — I knocked it over in about four hours tonight. And stylistically, Shonda makes some interesting choices. Sometimes the dialogue reads to me as … if not stilted, then compressed. As if she’s trying to get through a lot of exposition and long conversations in three or four exchanges.

Is that a down side? It threw me out of the story a few times when dialogue didn’t feel real to me, but honestly, who am I to say if those conversations aren’t ‘real’?

It’s a good yarn, with strong messages about identity, honesty and bravery. Can’t argue with that.

And it’s a good, clean Kindle edition.

That whole straight/gay false dichotomy

In lesbian on April 18, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Here’s the thing. I learn more from my life experiences than I do from book-learning. Colour me weird.

Three out of every five women I have slept with have been ‘straight’. Their definition, not mine.

Now, yes, that says plenty about what attracts me in a woman, I’ll concede that. But does it not also say a heaping handful about the bullshit we talk to ourselves about our sexuality?

‘Oh, no I’ll never sleep with a woman/man, I’m straight/gay.’

Yeah, yeah.

People, here’s a revelation … if the right person comes along and they happen to be the ‘wrong’ gender, you won’t give a rat’s ass. You’ll go for it. Because they’ll be pushing every button you need pushed.

There’s an old lesbian saying — ‘every woman’s a lesbian if you hold her right’ … it’s bullshit, of course, like all these truisms on this subject. But perhaps ‘every woman could love a lesbian if she’s held right’ might get a little closer to the truth.

It’s a spectrum, folks, get used to it. One woman’s turn off is another woman’s turn on, regardless of the transmitting life-form. And, just quietly, what turns her on today, may turn her off tomorrow.

That’s not science, that’s just life experience talking.

As a friend of mine said today, the brain is the biggest sexual organ. Not your eyes, not your skin, not your genitals. Your brain.

Nothing irks me more than a closed mind. If you’re going to write me off as a partner because I have the wrong dangly and/or pink bits for the way you see yourself, then ultimately, it’s your loss, cherubs.

Don’t get me wrong … the spectrum thing? That plays all ways. I’m not for one moment discounting the life experience of the lesbian who cannot in any way see herself ever being with a man for very real, personal reasons.

I am not subscribing to the ‘you just haven’t met the right man’ argument, in other words.

What I am saying is, in my experience, people can surprise you. Let them, every now and then.

… and it’s doing me no damn good at all

In lesbian on April 15, 2012 at 2:39 am

Impeccable Sauce.


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